March 26, 2003 | Ripsaw

Thank you Duluth! On behalf of Vinnie and the Stardusters I wish to express thanks and spanks for the wonderful time we had at your town last weenend for the little Geek Preek party at your little Pizza Hippie Bar! Vinnie loves to come up to Duluth to play Potty music for angry drunken hippies. Last year for the Geek Prom we had such a memorable time we memorialized the trip in our new single entitled "Come to Duluth (if you wanna be an unemployed alcoholic)!"

This year the Geek Preek Party was no less exciting. First we stopped in "Anytown" on the way up from the Twin Cities for our drummer to try calling a 16-year-old girl he met on the Internet to see if she would like to spend the night with us at the show and then later at the hotel. While there, we ate at the Taste of Mexico. What a great idea that was! The "taste" I believe they were referring to is the taste left in your ass after crapping your guts out from eating that fucker’s so called "spicy beef."

When we got to the hotel that the Geeks provide for us each time we come up to play we were soon joined by Starfire in his pajamas carrying beer. I know many of you Duluthians know what fun Starfire can be in a hotel in his pajamas with beer, and let’s just say we really got off to a great start for our show.

We headed down to the Angry Hippie Bar and Pizzeria to set up the equipment and were shortly thereafter set upon by what can only be described as a renegade band of drunken Orcs. But not before the owner came out to shake hands and pass out a phat handful of free drink tickets. You have to respect a man who owns and operates a hip hippie restaurant and still gets back behind the line and makes the pizza himself. This fact did garner the man an entire chorus in our new Duluth song.

Then we met one woman describing herself and a wild and crazy lawyer and seemed tame enough at first. She agreed to come back to see the band after "a show" she said she needed to put on. Unfortunately later, after watching our entire set — which included references to drunken Duluth bitches getting pitched over the bridge on the way back from Superior, fucking in the ass, and "getting the spicy beef out," she stayed after the show to lambaste the lead singer. Apparently the Drunken Wild Lawyer's "show" was actually a date which dumped her midway through for a much younger woman and she was all ready to take it out on me, saying "I know music! I follow music! Duluth is the next Seattle! I am a 34-year-old woman! (She is actually 36). I am so dissapointed! You don't get it do you! You just don't get it because you live in the Cities!"

We were lucky enough to enjoy the hospitality of a man describing himself as a professor whose cute motto seemed to be "don't know no better, don't know no worse!" He soon had each band member satisfied with beer, alcohol and coffee, not to mention conversation to rival the greatest conversations of all time. He later proved himself a selfless and caring man as well when he learned that an Angry Hippie had accused me of stealing her $20 check of a table in the back. He pulled out a twenty of his own and tried to give it to the dreadlocked young thing to make up in some part for the restaurant’s loss at the hand of a thief. Well, as you can imagine she was unable to accept his generosity as the loss was really not hers personally but that of her employer. Oh wait, actually she did pocket the twenty, but still blamed me for the theft! I say she should have been thanking whoever stole the check seeing as how she actually ended up pocketing a free twenty out of the deal! Oh well, karma is as hippie does, like my mama always used to say.

Then came the actual show. We rocked hard and then stopped abruptly on and off for almost two hours. The dance floor was covered by people who were trying to dance but unfortunately couldn't due to this abrupt ending problem we were having, but they got pretty into it in the middle of the songs! Starfire was out there dancing and I do believe he showed us his ass two times. Which was a 100 percent increase from the last show we played when he went running by to show us his ass only once while we played.

The rest of the night was a blur, with the Angry Hippie Waitress With a Fresh Twenty in Her Pocket, the Wild Drunken Lawyer, the Professor and Mary Ann. Sadly the city of Duluth could not even muster one woman for the drummer to take care of.

The next day we stopped at Anal Canal Park to see if our song was actually true and were excited to see the girlfriend of one of the local cool guys selling "Gay Fish." She had great stories to tell of the fun that was had at the show, including being kissed by a girl and actually kissing back for a few moments. We convinced her to convince her beau, Shaky Ray, that she actually is a lesbian, but we still don't know what happened with that! Hopefully she made it back from Superior, if you know what I mean!

Well, thanks again Duluth! We had a great time once again! Moon is up over Duluth, we will return!

P.S. The posting was right, the Old Country Buffet really does take a back seat to Indian Palace! We love that place. Beats spicy beef any day.

Nick Hook
Minneapolis